(Adapted from Karl Marx, EPM 1844)

Leo Tolstoy had everything. Then he realised it meant nothing. This article explores the most surprising and impactful lessons from Tolstoy's intense, personal, and often painful search for meaning.

1. Peak Success Can Trigger Peak Despair: Tolstoy’s crisis didn’t strike when he was a struggling artist. It hit after he had already achieved everything a person could want. The fame, the wealth, the family—none of it was enough to quiet the void. In his essay A Confession, he describes how sl
eep became his only refuge, as his waking moments were “tortured by Relentless why questions.” The sense of meaninglessness was so severe that he contemplated ending his own life. This is a profoundly counterintuitive lesson. Tolstoy’s crisis is a pre-modern warning against the modern cult of achievement. We are taught to climb ladders—corporate, social, financial—assuming fulfilment is the prize at the top. Tolstoy reached the final rung and found only thinner air. His story forces us to question whether the ladder itself is leaning against the right wall, revealing that success doesn't answer life's great questions; it only strips away the distractions that keep us from asking them.

2. Logic and Science Can Make the Void Feel Deeper: Instead of surrendering, Tolstoy began a deliberate and desperate search for answers. He turned to the great minds of philosophy and the rational certainty of science, believing logic could solve the puzzle of his existence. The great libraries of human thought offered him not a ladder, but a mirror. In the weary wisdom of Solomon, Socrates, and Buddha, he found only a more elegant reflection of his own despair, often concluding that “happy is he who has not been born.” Science was an even greater disappointment. Emerging theories like Darwinism framed humanity as a meaningless, “accidental creation”—a temporary lump of energy destined to decay. Reason, he found, was a brilliant tool for measuring the dimensions of his prison, but it offered no key to the door. His journey challenges the modern assumption that reason alone can solve life's deepest problems. For Tolstoy, logic could explain how the universe worked, but it could never answer why.

3. We Use Four Main Strategies to Avoid Life's Absurdity: As Tolstoy looked at the people around him, he identified four distinct ways people cope with the fundamental absurdity of life. He saw these strategies as different forms of escape from the hard questions that tormented him.

a. Ignorance: Simply choosing not to think about the big questions. These people shrug off life's absurdity, but Tolstoy believed it was a temporary solution. You can't ignore your own mind forever.

b. Pleasure: Using wealth, relationships, and entertainment as distractions. This is the path of licking the "honey" from the parable—chasing fleeting moments of sweetness to forget the dragon waiting below. But indulgence, he argued, could never answer the deeper questions.

c. Surrender: Succumbing entirely to the futility of it all. Overwhelmed by life's meaninglessness, this group sees no way out and considers ending their life. Tolstoy understood this temptation intimately but ultimately rejected it.

d. Weakness: Acknowledging the meaninglessness but lacking the strength to act. These individuals are trapped in a state of "existential limbo," paralyzed by spiritual exhaustion and existing without direction or purpose.

Tolstoy saw these not as philosophies, but as desperate bargains people make with the dragon at the bottom of the well—some pretend it isn't there, others try to sweeten their last moments, some leap willingly into its jaws, and most simply hang in terrified paralysis.

4. The Answer Can Come From Unexpected Places

After years of fruitless intellectual searching, Tolstoy stumbled upon a profound realization not in a book or a laboratory, but by observing the poor peasants who worked his land. He saw that despite immense suffering and hardship, they possessed an "unshakable faith" that gave them purpose, resilience, and even hope.

Their simple devotion stood in stark contrast to his own intellectual emptiness. He, with all his wealth and education, felt spiritually bankrupt, while they, with nothing, seemed to possess the one thing that mattered. He concluded that life demands more than logic; it requires belief in something greater than ourselves. His rational mind resisted at first, but he came to see faith as the key to transcending life's limitations.

Faith, he realised, wasn't just intellectual; it was emotional, spiritual, and deeply personal.

5. A New Purpose Can Create New Conflicts

Tolstoy's newfound faith did not lead to a peaceful, happy ending. In fact, his spiritual transformation created a new set of agonising conflicts. His "radical shift towards simplicity and service clashed violently with his family."

He began wearing peasant clothes and renouncing his wealth, which horrified his wife, Sophia. She had spent decades managing their estate and raising their thirteen children, only to watch him reject everything they had built. While Tolstoy saw giving away his money as freedom, Sophia saw it as a path to poverty for her family. Their marriage frayed under the strain.

This created a paradox that haunted Tolstoy, which he admitted in his diaries: he preached humility and simple living while still relying on servants and his wife's labour to sustain his lifestyle. His journey shows that finding a purpose isn't a clean, simple solution. It is often a messy, continuous struggle to align one's ideals with the complicated reality of life.

Conclusion

Leo Tolstoy’s story is not about finding a perfect, easy answer to the meaning of life. It’s about having the courage to seek it, even when the journey is difficult and tears you apart. He showed that meaning isn't found by avoiding life's harsh realities, but by confronting them head-on.

His journey brings us back to the man in the well. The ultimate lesson is one of integration—that meaning isn’t about solving the problem of the dragon, but about holding the tension between the terror of the void and the sweetness of the moment. The ultimate lesson was this:...life isn't about escaping the well it's about learning to taste the honey even when the dragon's breath is hot on your neck.

What are the drops of honey you've been overlooking in your own life?

Re-Booting the World

 

Imagining Other Possible Worlds

 

Long Term Response to Covid...to Pandemic?

 

Will We Ever Learn?

www.pixabay.com

A disconnected, fragmented world that foregrounds nationalism cannot overcome the challenges thrown at us by the SARS-CoV-2 virus. The politics of fascism and profits will also not help us. There is no other way than to dialogue and be inclusive. Will we ever learn?

What Defines You?

Dont Hurt Others

Being in a Prison with the Key

Building a New 'We' For the Nation

Building a New 'We' for the Nation
M Nadarajah | Published on 16 Jul 2011, Malaysiakini

Recently, I had to go to IJN to be with my brother-in-law who recently went through open-heart surgery to replace a faulty valve in his heart. He was in ICU.As my trip was from PJ during peak hours, I had time to chat with the taxi driver - something I normally do with drivers who are friendly and willing to chat.Most of the time, such conversations lapse into topical political issues, race relations, the economic situation and sometimes, personal challenges.

This time it led to conversation on Bersih and what it stood for. He was completely for it, showing a lot of knowledge about it. He thought Bersih is for everyone. In fact, he also educated me on the fact that EDSA, the peaceful revolution in Philippines in the late 80s that saw the removal of the Marcos regime, also extensively used the symbolic import of the yellow colour. So I asked him if he would participate in the event calling for the recognition of the principles for establishing fair and free elections in Malaysia.

He said: "I have a family ... I have a sick mother... If I get into trouble, there will be no one to take care of my family ... Not even those who I want to support ... How can I participate? The only thing I do is pray ... Without fail, I pray every day for what Bersih stands for..."

I am not sure how this response will sit with people who demand and pursue the need for everyone to put their signature on petitions or take part in confrontations, for those who say "you are either with us or with them" - people whom they call such Malaysians as scared or cowards.

Nation's Needs, the Magnet

But it offered me, through a voice from the ground, another confirmation of 'Bersih values' and how far they have reached. It also showed me the many ways citizens are responding to the needs of the nation. So if on July 9, you did not see your friend or neighbour in the peaceful rally, just entertain the possibility that they were there in spirit.

The support for a free, fair and corruption-free polity is far wide and deep coming for a peaceful rally to, perhaps, be considered a really good indicator. Numbers cannot capture the spirit behind it.

I reached IJN and waited with my family. The visiting period will start in about 15 minutes.

There are people of all races and religions - some praying in their own chosen way, some hoping all will be okay with their relative or friend in ICU. I recognised a wonderful social behaviour at this edge of life and death.

All are concerned with each other, checking out on each other's relative or friend, one consoling the other, one informing the other of keeping them in their prayers, taking care where necessary - the doctors and nurses make sure that patients of all communities who have had gone through a long and tough operation, strapped to all kinds of sophisticated machines, are brought back to their normal, healthy self without ‘showing face', without any gesture of disgust or displeasure, an inspiring service orientation. The relationship among the people, doctors, nurses and patients at the ICU area reflected a Malaysia I always want to see, participate and experience.

Cruelty of Outside World

Yet, when I walked away from IJN into supposedly the healthy world out there, it seemed to completely lack that mutual and cohesive spirit of care and concern for each other... the 'healthy world' out there is so divisive and ‘sick' - devoid of a cohesive ‘We' spirit on critical matters that involve the 'health' of the nation and all its citizens.

Over 50 years of independence, and now moving towards the 13th election, our polity is so badly divided we seem to have been unable to get our act together and positively move forward as a national community, with all our differences. It has become an ailment.

If an ailment is not recognised, the body is doomed to pain and eventually demise. That is where the nation is. It is sick and we are refusing to take care of it by coming together, as a cohesive surgical team would, with not only the required competence but also compassion and hope.

The old ‘We' is so tragically fractured. And within the national consciousness, there is a state of denial of our national ailment which is not beneficial for us now or the well-being of the common future of our children, and theirs. Now there are many fancy and expensive symptomatic treatment of the ailment. A housewife friend of mine puts it in exasperation, "What is really wrong about Bersih's appeal. It is good for all, isn't it? It is a cure, isn't it?"

And the conversations, casual and involved, with other ordinary citizens suggest that we should all celebrate the call for reorientation of our polity, not go on the path to further hurt ourselves with roadblocks, checking, interrogation, legal actions, victimisation, arrests and incarceration, creating frightening scars on the national body and soul that history will judge us for...and ask the question 'Was this the Malaysian way?' It is unbearable, meaningless self-flagellation not preventive action.

Another more analytical conversation covered the following: "Is the government upset with the principles Bersih stands for or with Bersih itself as a political initiative or the way it wants to express those principles to the world?

Principles vs Malaysian Way

"Looks like it is upset with it as a political initiative since the party representing the government see and demonise it as an opposition ploy not the voice of substantial number of citizens. They seem to be also upset with the way it is expressed, claiming that it is not 'the Malaysian way'.

"Very difficult to define the Malaysian way in our complex political culture, seems more like a convenient ploy.

"Actually they should come out strongly in support of the principles and show to an objectively chosen independent body that they are actually addressing those principles in terms of institutional changes.

" But frankly, I do not see any sincerity or seriousness about the principles first. And it is perhaps this that is really causing the whole problem.

"Eventually these concerns should be the government's not Bersih's or the 60 odd organisations that support it.

"Our government should stand above parties for them, practice them and endear itself to all citizens. We can then nationally celebrate those principles anywhere... even in the Merdeka stadium!"

But that is not happening, so we badly need a therapeutic intervention. Bersih is certainly an attempt to cure and to help rebuild the country's polity and re-form a new ‘We' that the nation so badly needs - an honest, transparent and unifying We. Bersih is really a platform to create the basis of a new "We" the nation is desperately looking for.

A new "We" based on the simple principles of transparency and honesty, particularly for organising and managing our public life. That must mean something if we are a nation of God-fearing people.

These principles - expressed through clean the electoral roll, reform postal ballot, use of indelible ink, minimum 21 days campaign period, free and fair access to media, strengthening of public institutions, stopping of corruption and stopping of dirty politics - are meant for all citizens, and certainly go beyond sectarian or party political selfish and myopic interests, beyond race, religious, class and gender.

Neglected Side of Political Power

As I overheard in a restaurant, it is not so much about capturing power as much as it is for practicing power, responsibly and accountably. It is also certainly for building a multi-cultural sustainable democracy for institutionally sustaining the new We. It must be in the interest of any government to see the value in the principles promoted by Bersih.

In corporate culture, it is about 're-branding' Malaysia, reducing political risks from pervasive, systemic and chronic conflict areas, building a stable environment of peace and trust thus reducing transaction risks and enhancing business performance.

Certainly, it must be in the interest of the government. So what would have gone peacefully and without much international media attention, what would have given KL huge economic benefits, and what would have improved people's perception of the government, finally became highly visible social, political and media event and very negatively-charged.

So while we now debate the victory, success, or failure of the July 9 peaceful protest, which is rather perspectival, it is imperative we do not lose sight of the principles and the essential values they are based on. Only if we feel oriented this way can be move towards healing a nation that is getting sick day by day with the old "We".

We need a new lived unity to animate the heart of the nation. And we need it now... expressed through inclusive and compassionate symbolic, legal and institutional realities. Walls must come down and bridges must be built. That will be our moral and political victory. And it should belong to all of us...

My family and I go to a temple to pray for my brother-in-law's quick recovery and well-being. It is customary for Hindus to wash and clean their feet, their hands and face before entering the sacred space of the temple. As I go through the process, all I could think was "bersih". Isn't it after all the precondition to enter any sacred space, including our nation, together?

-----------------------------

Dr M NADARAJAH is a sociologist by training. He belongs to the Asian Public Intellectuals (API) Community, a community of filmmakers, theatre people, songwriters, poets, activists and academics working in Thailand, Malaysia, Indonesia, Philippines and Japan for a better Asia. His work focuses on organisational development, cultural and sustainability issues.

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Restlessness

In Between the Amazing and the Awful...

Inter-Faith Spirituality

Agree to Differ
UNESCO Publishing and Tudor Rose, 2015
p. 84.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Or...

Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Some telling excerpts: "Lack of empathy is one of the most striking features of people with narcissistic personality disorder." "Narcissists do not consider the pain they inflict on others; nor do they give any credence to others' perceptions." "This lack of empathy is so foreign to us--even some animals show evidence of empathy--". ---Sad, to say the least! Even some animals have more insight into the feelings of others, than these people do. Source

Another reading of this image (positive) -- self examination, looking into ourself, finding internal pathways to change ourselves...

A Point of View?

Any Life Down Here?

Love Never Dies A Natural Death But...

Waves Gurgled and Giggled at Us

(From Anita Nair's book of Poems, Malabar Mind; Poem: A Brief Respite)

Dolphin Altruism

"Several years ago, in the Gulf of Akaba, a British tourist was rescued by three dolphins from sharks. Near the Sinai Peninsula, a ship captain had stopped his boat so several passengers could watch dolphins playing. Three of the passengers decided to swim with them, and one stayed a little longer than the others. To his horror, he was bitten by a shark – and more were coming. Suddenly, three dolphins placed themselves between the tourist and the sharks, smacking the water with tails and flippers, and drove the sharks off so the man could be rescued.

In 2004, a group of swimmers were confronted by a ten-foot great white shark off the northern coast of new Zealand. A pod of dolphins “herded” them together, circling them until the great white fled. There are several other examples from the area of Australia of similar incidences.

In another case in the Red Sea, twelve divers who were lost for thirteen and a half hours were surrounded by dolphins for the entire time, repelling the many sharks that live in the area. When a rescue boat showed up, it appeared that the dolphin pod were showing them where the divers were; they leaped up in the air in front of the rescuers, jumping toward the lost people as if to lead the boat onward – as, according to old stories, they often did with endangered ships in treacherous water.

Because we can’t talk to dolphins, we can’t really fathom what their motives are in these situations. It is, however, very possible that they are indeed trying to help and protect fellow mammals in the ocean to safety. If this is true, it means that they are the only animals, besides humans, which show true altruism."

Source here

Cher Ami

A brave pigeon -- Cher Ami -- bent on performing its duty in a human war -- the madness that costed us a total of about 16, 000, 000 lives and about 20, 000, 000 wounded or maimed. It should teach us a lesson.

======================

"It’s late September of1918 in northern France. The war will end soon on November 11, but one last massive battle, the Meuse-Argonne Offensive is raging on. It’s one of the biggest conflicts of World War I, lasting 47 days until the Armistice. Over a million Allied soldiers are involved and over 25,000 Americans will die by the end of this battle.

A group of 500 American soldiers led by Major Charles Whittlesey were trapped in a small depression of a hill, surrounded by Germans. After the first day, only 200 of Whittlesey’s “lost battalion” were left. To make the situation even more FUBAR, their fellow Americans didn’t know their location and had begun firing shells at them.

Whittlesey sent out two messages by homing pigeon asking the Americans for help, but both pigeons were shot down. A final pigeon named Cher Ami was released [...]

As soon as Cher Ami flew up out of the brush, the Germans fired on him. It took him 25 minutes to fly through a rain of bullets the 25 miles back to Allied lines. When he arrived at his coop, he bad been shot in his breast and blinded in one eye. One leg was so badly shot it dangled by a tendon. The metal case carrying the life-saving message was still attached to that dangling leg. The Allies stopped firing shells at the Lost Battalion, and they were eventually able to break out of enemy territory to safety.

The surviving 197 men, whose lives had been saved by Cher Ami made sure that their little bird received the best medical care and carved him a tiny wooden leg to replace the one that was blown off. The French army awarded him their Croix de guerre medal for his bravery. Cher Ami became a famous hero, and he was personally seen off by General Pershing on his boat voyage back home to the states.

Cher Ami died less than a year later due to complications from his injuries. He was stuffed and is kept on display at the Smithsonian in Washington, D.C."

Source